Texasczech
04-22-2012, 09:56 PM
Funny story this PM....Me and my 2yr. old grandson went for pancakes at a place on I-20 in one of my work trucks with a NoBama2012 bumper sticker affixed to it. While we where eating our pancakes I noticed a white KIA stop right behind my truck for some damn reason. It eventually pulled away slowly and parked about 6 rows away from the truck....the driver popped his trunk and got what looked like a can of spray paint out and started shaking it like he was fixing to paint something. About this time I had the idea to record him just out of curiosity. Well sure enough blondie and his boyfriend by the looks of him ( really, who pops their fucking collars since the 80's).... headed straight for my truck like they had the intention to redecorate or something of that nature.
Now before I go any farther I should mention to any city type people and non-Texans that people who live in the country tend to have working dogs.......who in turn tend to be extremely territorial about their pickup trucks.... It just so happens that I have a pair of sneaky and extremely evil heelers named Donk and Tater who love nothing better than scaring the shit outa fuckheads that mess with their truck. They are trained to only bark at strangers who happen to touch their truck....or any of my vehicles they are in for that matter.....but not to attack.
So anyway the blond guy grabbed my tailgate as he bent over to redecorate it.... this activated the bark mode on my truck alarm and must have scared the gay response by the girly screams they cut loose. By now every one in the restaurant was watching the action in the parking lot. Blond guy was obviously upset and got the bright idea to whip the spray can at them....this only worked to get them foaming at the mouth a little more.... I noticed that Donk had that same look in his eye that he gets when a cow kicks him. The dogs normally will not leave the bed of the truck unless I call them....but when popped collar and blondie escalated their ill advised attack on my innocent conservative puppies by removing their shoes and attempting to hit them with their tassel loafers....it was on like Donkey Kong and they seriously fucked up.
Let me pause to tell you that you should never....ever.... hit a Aussie Cattle Dog.....much less 2 of them. Anybody familiar with the breed can tell you they will take it very personally......It would hurt their feelings if I hit them (which I never do)......but a stranger hitting them makes very bad things happen.
Well one of them connected with Tater and the both of them came out of the bed of that truck like bulls coming out a chute at NFR......Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber attempted to run back to the KIA but Tater cut them off at the pass (herding dogs are damn good at that) so they run screaming and crying halfway barefooted to the restaurant while getting their Gap khakis and formerly expensive looking polo shirts literally shredded. I noticed something come out of popped collars pocket but was too amused to give it any thought. (laughing my fucking ass off)
They finally make it into the restaurant and started screaming for someone to call 911......Me being a native Texan and since we are the friendly state after all..... I obliged and made the call for them. While we waited for the Law to respond to their "emergency" they asked if any of us "Rednecks" (no kidding that how they referred to us) if any of us had a gun to kill those evil dogs. I informed them that I have a CHP and always carry.....but why would want I kill my own dogs?......for doing their jobs?.....a giving me the best laugh I have had in years.
The look on their faces was fucking priceless!....so I just dropped my tip on my table and collected my grandson to go to the cashier and pay out...when they yelled to inform me they where going to press charges. I asked for what?....they said "assault with a deadly weapon"......seriously.....I informed them that I had over thirty witnesses here and some really good video of the whole thing....including the tagging attempt and the can being sissy tossed into the back of my truck.....What us Redneck Texans like to call "evidence"....once again I get that fucking priceless expression......I even told them that they where free to retrieve it if they wanted to.....but they declined the offer. I paid my bill and then told the boyos to load their evil asses up....at this point the knuckleheads thought it would be a good idea to take off....because that's exactly what they did. I did take a pic of the tag number before they took off.....while they drove off yelling expletives at all us Hillbilly Rednecks. About this time I noticed Donk gnawing the fuck outa something and took it away from him.....sure enough ole popped collar lost what looks to be a brand new Iphone 4s......just like mine. I'm pretty sure the phone is a total loss (loafers too) but the SIM card is intact. I called the deputy dawg house to let them know I was heading home and to inform them the shitheads took off....and the video, tag number and lost phone.... the dispatcher asked if I wanted to press charges. I told her no and even offered to send them a copy of the video.
I will post the video as soon as I talk to my lawyers on Monday...since I ran the tag and the car is registered to a lawyer. The stupid cocksucker will probably try to sue me if I post it.
Does anyone think I should call all popped collars friends to let him know I have what's left of his fucked up phone and slobbery loafer..... and maybe to keep an eye out for the video? Maybe they could inform NostraDumbass that hillbillies are found in Appalachia not in Texas while they are at it.
Now before I go any farther I should mention to any city type people and non-Texans that people who live in the country tend to have working dogs.......who in turn tend to be extremely territorial about their pickup trucks.... It just so happens that I have a pair of sneaky and extremely evil heelers named Donk and Tater who love nothing better than scaring the shit outa fuckheads that mess with their truck. They are trained to only bark at strangers who happen to touch their truck....or any of my vehicles they are in for that matter.....but not to attack.
So anyway the blond guy grabbed my tailgate as he bent over to redecorate it.... this activated the bark mode on my truck alarm and must have scared the gay response by the girly screams they cut loose. By now every one in the restaurant was watching the action in the parking lot. Blond guy was obviously upset and got the bright idea to whip the spray can at them....this only worked to get them foaming at the mouth a little more.... I noticed that Donk had that same look in his eye that he gets when a cow kicks him. The dogs normally will not leave the bed of the truck unless I call them....but when popped collar and blondie escalated their ill advised attack on my innocent conservative puppies by removing their shoes and attempting to hit them with their tassel loafers....it was on like Donkey Kong and they seriously fucked up.
Let me pause to tell you that you should never....ever.... hit a Aussie Cattle Dog.....much less 2 of them. Anybody familiar with the breed can tell you they will take it very personally......It would hurt their feelings if I hit them (which I never do)......but a stranger hitting them makes very bad things happen.
Well one of them connected with Tater and the both of them came out of the bed of that truck like bulls coming out a chute at NFR......Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber attempted to run back to the KIA but Tater cut them off at the pass (herding dogs are damn good at that) so they run screaming and crying halfway barefooted to the restaurant while getting their Gap khakis and formerly expensive looking polo shirts literally shredded. I noticed something come out of popped collars pocket but was too amused to give it any thought. (laughing my fucking ass off)
They finally make it into the restaurant and started screaming for someone to call 911......Me being a native Texan and since we are the friendly state after all..... I obliged and made the call for them. While we waited for the Law to respond to their "emergency" they asked if any of us "Rednecks" (no kidding that how they referred to us) if any of us had a gun to kill those evil dogs. I informed them that I have a CHP and always carry.....but why would want I kill my own dogs?......for doing their jobs?.....a giving me the best laugh I have had in years.
The look on their faces was fucking priceless!....so I just dropped my tip on my table and collected my grandson to go to the cashier and pay out...when they yelled to inform me they where going to press charges. I asked for what?....they said "assault with a deadly weapon"......seriously.....I informed them that I had over thirty witnesses here and some really good video of the whole thing....including the tagging attempt and the can being sissy tossed into the back of my truck.....What us Redneck Texans like to call "evidence"....once again I get that fucking priceless expression......I even told them that they where free to retrieve it if they wanted to.....but they declined the offer. I paid my bill and then told the boyos to load their evil asses up....at this point the knuckleheads thought it would be a good idea to take off....because that's exactly what they did. I did take a pic of the tag number before they took off.....while they drove off yelling expletives at all us Hillbilly Rednecks. About this time I noticed Donk gnawing the fuck outa something and took it away from him.....sure enough ole popped collar lost what looks to be a brand new Iphone 4s......just like mine. I'm pretty sure the phone is a total loss (loafers too) but the SIM card is intact. I called the deputy dawg house to let them know I was heading home and to inform them the shitheads took off....and the video, tag number and lost phone.... the dispatcher asked if I wanted to press charges. I told her no and even offered to send them a copy of the video.
I will post the video as soon as I talk to my lawyers on Monday...since I ran the tag and the car is registered to a lawyer. The stupid cocksucker will probably try to sue me if I post it.
Does anyone think I should call all popped collars friends to let him know I have what's left of his fucked up phone and slobbery loafer..... and maybe to keep an eye out for the video? Maybe they could inform NostraDumbass that hillbillies are found in Appalachia not in Texas while they are at it.