Coping with the fear of death?

[Cruelbreed]

How does someone cope with the fear of death when entering service. We all have it, it's obvious that people equate joining the service with inevitable death. Occasionally I tell a friend i'm thinking of joining the service and they think i'm a nut, "dude why the hell do you want to have bullets wizzing by your head, you're going to die."

How do we cope with this fear of death, how do we turn it around and become stronger. How do we come to terms with it?

[ghost]

Well, your number one reason for wanting to join should be, because you love your country. Everything else comes second. Signing bonuses, and college assistance, and all the nice stuff that comes with it...etc.

Fear of death -

Well, looking back 5 years ago, when I first signed up for the Marine Corps, that honestly never really crossed my mind. Of course, I did know that there was a possibility that I may have gotten killed after enlisting, but this should be common sense. It's the military. I never actually got in, though. I failed my hearing test at MEPS. :(

As far as how to cope with it; I don't really know. Perhaps there are some other guys around here who would be able to give you a better answer.

[sr338]

Can I quote Platoon?

O'Neill: Bob, I got a bad feeling on this one, all right? I mean I got a bad feeling! I don't think I'm gonna make it outta here! D'ya understand what I'm sayin' to you?
Barnes: Everybody gotta die some time, Red.


Honestly... you're fine, training kicks in and you're busy. It's not until AFTER that you get scared and the shakes. But the simple fact is, you are about 99% less likely to be killed in a horrible violent death if you don't join the military. Something to think about beforehand if it's going to bother you.

[ghost]

Yeah, as was said, when you're in the shit, you're running on reflexes man. It's all training. Your adrenaline is going to be so high off the fucking charts, you won't even be thinking about it.

[leahcimnosirrom]

never been in combat but been around death plenty..... it is strange when there is a bunch noise.... then silence. death in it's self is the most peaceful thing you can be around no matter how much violence there was before hand. silence and still are the dead beyond anything you have ever experienced. pictures don't convey that feeling. i spent a couple of years closing and securing accidents and crime sense. it fucks with you on many levels. most of the time it is that "this could happen to me" or "what could i have done, if any thing to stop it" i have seen people break down after witnessing death, or show no reaction to it. for me personally, things in life became a lot sweeter, colors more bright, and i tend to love the things i love more. one thing i have come away with it from it all is that no matter how preparded you are to face it.... that dosen't mean shit. it hurts to see.
i do watch the news a lot different and look at people in a new light. until you hold some one who is taking their last breath, looking at you for some comfort if any, some courage in a place where they are all alone..... it makes you discover a part of your humanity that you never thought you had. i held my father in my arms has he died. i never saw him afraid in my life until that moment.

[ghost]

never been in combat but been around death plenty..... it is strange when there is a bunch noise.... then silence. death in it's self is the most peaceful thing you can be around no matter how much violence there was before hand. silence and still are the dead beyond anything you have ever experienced. pictures don't convey that feeling. i spent a couple of years closing and securing accidents and crime sense. it fucks with you on many levels. most of the time it is that "this could happen to me" or "what could i have done, if any thing to stop it" i have seen people break down after witnessing death, or show no reaction to it. for me personally, things in life became a lot sweeter, colors more bright, and i tend to love the things i love more. one thing i have come away with it from it all is that no matter how preparded you are to face it.... that dosen't mean shit. it hurts to see.
i do watch the news a lot different and look at people in a new light. until you hold some one who is taking their last breath, looking at you for some comfort if any, some courage in a place where they are all alone..... it makes you discover a part of your humanity that you never thought you had. i held my father in my arms has he died. i never saw him afraid in my life until that moment.

Sounds to me like you've experienced quite a bit. Thanks for the insight.

[Cruelbreed]

To be honest, I personally don't fear death as much as I fear how my mother and father will feel if it happened. It's just hard to think about how the people that love you most will suffer. I have far more fear of losing a leg (being dismembered than dieing).

[92M-Wife]

Hey everyone I got this link from "twitter" and I thought I would join and comment.

Being prior service myself. I don't think we ever "prepare" ourself for that time. I think we all signed on the dotted lines (over and over again) knowing the "what if's" but it's something we all keep blinders on with knowing that we have a job to do and missions to accomplish when called upon (am I making sense?) Now, that I am out and a spouse of a service member and he and I both have discussed before each deployment the "what if's" and I think that If I was to recieve bad news about my spouse I think I would just let what lil grasp of faith I have take over. As someone said above "no matter how preparded you are to face it.... that dosen't mean shit" We as family members can be prepared months ahead, gone to classes that the military offers for us. But, it soon all goes out the window with that knock on the door.

[Stark]

To be honest, I personally don't fear death as much as I fear how my mother and father will feel if it happened. It's just hard to think about how the people that love you most will suffer. I have far more fear of losing a leg (being dismembered than dieing).

but you haven't probably anything to fear of or haven't been in a situation where you are really and seriously afraid to die - trust me everybody is a little afraid it's the unknown that scares most people I suppose.

[92M-Wife]

it's the unknown that scares most people I suppose.


So true So true.

[Scott]

So true So true. Spot on, that is so true man.

[USMCSapper1371]

The first time you get rounds coming downrange, it's the most crippling, crushing moment of fear you will ever experience. But that's all it is, a moment. Once you get over that initial fear then all the training, all the repetitive mind-numbing drills, all the countless hours you've spent preparing for this one moment kick in, and, as someone said above, you're fine and dandy until the shooting stops or you stop a round, whichever comes first. Then that fear comes back, you shake, maybe cry a little, because you hope you never have to do it again, but then maybe two days or even two hours later you DO do it again, and the fear's a little less crippling but it never gets easy. Death is something that is always one step away every time you go out on patrol or sit in a guard tower.

[ghost]

The first time you get rounds coming downrange, it's the most crippling, crushing moment of fear you will ever experience. But that's all it is, a moment. Once you get over that initial fear then all the training, all the repetitive mind-numbing drills, all the countless hours you've spent preparing for this one moment kick in, and, as someone said above, you're fine and dandy until the shooting stops or you stop a round, whichever comes first. Then that fear comes back, you shake, maybe cry a little, because you hope you never have to do it again, but then maybe two days or even two hours later you DO do it again, and the fear's a little less crippling but it never gets easy. Death is something that is always one step away every time you go out on patrol or sit in a guard tower.


That was quite insightful. Thanks. Were you in Iraq?

[USMCSapper1371]

Yeah, three times. OIF 1-3. Fun times...

[nastyleg]

The first time you get rounds coming downrange, it's the most crippling, crushing moment of fear you will ever experience. But that's all it is, a moment. Once you get over that initial fear then all the training, all the repetitive mind-numbing drills, all the countless hours you've spent preparing for this one moment kick in, and, as someone said above, you're fine and dandy until the shooting stops or you stop a round, whichever comes first. Then that fear comes back, you shake, maybe cry a little, because you hope you never have to do it again, but then maybe two days or even two hours later you DO do it again, and the fear's a little less crippling but it never gets easy. Death is something that is always one step away every time you go out on patrol or sit in a guard tower.

I never truely feared dieing till it was said and done with. The first time it happened it was all muscle reflex. It hit me like a ton of bricks later when I had time to think about it. I still have my demons but there just not as big anymore. That is part of the risk I undertook when I enlisted. Now 7.5 years later and 3 tours done with I feel more at peace with myself and loved ones then when I first left. Small shit does not bother as much. No matter what I still have my family and friends. I never fully understood when I was groing up now it is my life.
If your demons are getting too big I urge you to seek help. I have seen this happen to too many of my brothers. Seeking help is not a weakness but a strength.

[Cruelbreed]

I never truely feared dieing till it was said and done with. The first time it happened it was all muscle reflex. It hit me like a ton of bricks later when I had time to think about it. I still have my demons but there just not as big anymore. That is part of the risk I undertook when I enlisted. Now 7.5 years later and 3 tours done with I feel more at peace with myself and loved ones then when I first left. Small shit does not bother as much. No matter what I still have my family and friends. I never fully understood when I was groing up now it is my life.
If your demons are getting too big I urge you to seek help. I have seen this happen to too many of my brothers. Seeking help is not a weakness but a strength.

I'm guessing most people did not seek help thinking it was a sign of weakness?

[nastyleg]

yes there is a horrible stigmata about it being seen as weakness. When one faces his demons it is a long hard road but at the end of the journey you are stronger for it.

[daboy233]

Can I quote Platoon?
It's not until AFTER that you get scared and the shakes.

right on

[Space_238]

This is an interesting question seeing as I'm deploying real soon. I don't fear it, it's gonna happen. The length of my term is gonna give me atleast at the minimum 3 tours overseas, so it's gonna happen in one of those I'm sure. It's weird, I'll see signs(numbers, words) that point to my battalion, unit, or my childhood, I see those as signs that my destiny is already written. Hell like say in Basic Training, my roster number? 238 When I got to my battalion, what was my room number? 238
What's my battalion's identication? 2-14
What's my ETS? 2014(yeah I know, long time from now)
Little stuff like that creeps me out.
Ever since I could remember my relatives would say I was "cold" as in I showed no signs of emotions or feelings when someone died. It's because I'm at peace with death, I believe that what happens after death is "blackout". You(a bag of bones and meat) cease to exist. Religion and Politics are all a fabrication that we tie ourselves around when in reality, using science to determine it, we just stop living, as if your mind puts you on pause then stop and never plays your tape again, you won't mind, because you won't know. Death and I are at peace. Now that doesn't mean I want to die, but if it comes then it'll be time.
I know I don't want to get shot, and be a vegetable so if I were to get injured and it's a very serious injury, I'd rather just be dead. I don't know if you can understand this or not, as I just woke up and am feeling a bit out of mind/groggy.

[sparkie]

In the shit,,,, You don't fear your death,,,,,, You fear your buddies death.
What I Hate most is playstation commando Wannabees,,,,,,,,,,,,,There is no button to schoop up your buddies guts,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[nastyleg]

This is an interesting question seeing as I'm deploying real soon. I don't fear it, it's gonna happen. The length of my term is gonna give me atleast at the minimum 3 tours overseas, so it's gonna happen in one of those I'm sure. It's weird, I'll see signs(numbers, words) that point to my battalion, unit, or my childhood, I see those as signs that my destiny is already written. Hell like say in Basic Training, my roster number? 238 When I got to my battalion, what was my room number? 238
What's my battalion's identication? 2-14
What's my ETS? 2014(yeah I know, long time from now)
Little stuff like that creeps me out.
Ever since I could remember my relatives would say I was "cold" as in I showed no signs of emotions or feelings when someone died. It's because I'm at peace with death, I believe that what happens after death is "blackout". You(a bag of bones and meat) cease to exist. Religion and Politics are all a fabrication that we tie ourselves around when in reality, using science to determine it, we just stop living, as if your mind puts you on pause then stop and never plays your tape again, you won't mind, because you won't know. Death and I are at peace. Now that doesn't mean I want to die, but if it comes then it'll be time.
I know I don't want to get shot, and be a vegetable so if I were to get injured and it's a very serious injury, I'd rather just be dead. I don't know if you can understand this or not, as I just woke up and am feeling a bit out of mind/groggy.


Golden dragon ehhhh?!
I was and still am a proud Polar Bear....Climb To Glory!!!

[bobdina]

Well having 2 first hand experiences the only thing I worry about is my wife and kids being alright when I'm gone. I was involved in a nasty helo accident and was read my last rights by an Army Chaplin. Believe it or not at that time it did not bother me because at the time he was doing that they were inserting a catheter so I really don't remember much about that one. The second one was a friendly fire incident from no more than 5 meters away. In that one adrenaline took over and I just started laughing at the dumbass. People could not believe I wasn't pissed and said they would to this and that.Before that incident I also said some of those same things. I've learned not to criticize form that incident because you don't know how your going act till it happens. I still don't know why I reacted like that. 2 things take over when your in danger . Training and adrenaline thats it. Not MOM .POP or apple pie.

[PvtPyle]

I first joined the service in 1988 and it was not until I went to Afghanistan in 2003 that I real thought about it. When I went I had two little girls, one 18mo. and one 2 1/2. The thing that scared me the most was never seeing them again. When I got in country on the ADVON I was scared shitless. No two ways about it. I had seen the videos of what the fucking savages do to each other, and especially Infidels like myself. The first week I was there I knew I would be ok. But then we started doing risky missions and they kept getting worse so about a month into it I wrote in my journal my obituary and my good-byes to my family and friends. I got with some of my buddies and had them know that if I got fucked up they were to give it to my wife. After that I was able to do my job without the fear. I had said my good-byes and I was ready for whatever came. I got really into it after that, maybe even dangerously so. I was always the first one on the objective and always in the turret.

I go back here in a while, this time I go with my little brother who joined the very day i got on the bus to go to the airfield to head out. He is there now and I will get one more deployment, with him before I get out. That gives me a whole other set of issues to worry about, but he will have cut his teeth on this one and we plan on having a great time killing fucking terrorists. :USA:

[the_fat_gunner]

I don't fear death because i know if i die i'm going to a better place, one with no hippy liberal crack heads. At this point no one can say they don't want to go to war in the US Military, its all volunteer, they know what they are getting into and battle the storm anyway because they have the resolve to do so.

[Crashingwater]

For me, my coping mechanism was to just try and ignore it as best you can. There is nothing you can do about it, when its your time its your time, so worrying about it is pointless. If you let it, the fear of dying can push everything else out of your mind and become this great obssession you cant get over. If you obssess over the potentiality of your death in any given situation, youre not going to concentrate on what you need to concentrate on to stay alive. If you are enlisting, or getting ready to deploy for the first time, just keep in mind that everyone is afraid of dying, youre no different, and no one knows when they are going to get hit. There are no signs, no superstitions to use to predict if youre going to get hit or not, it really is just random, wrong place, wrong time. The only thing you can do is focus on today, and take your deployment one day at a time. Find comfort in your friends, help them cope with the same fear, and you will cope with yours as well.

[Space_238]

For me, my coping mechanism was to just try and ignore it as best you can. There is nothing you can do about it, when its your time its your time, so worrying about it is pointless. If you let it, the fear of dying can push everything else out of your mind and become this great obssession you cant get over. If you obssess over the potentiality of your death in any given situation, youre not going to concentrate on what you need to concentrate on to stay alive. If you are enlisting, or getting ready to deploy for the first time, just keep in mind that everyone is afraid of dying, youre no different, and no one knows when they are going to get hit. There are no signs, no superstitions to use to predict if youre going to get hit or not, it really is just random, wrong place, wrong time. The only thing you can do is focus on today, and take your deployment one day at a time. Find comfort in your friends, help them cope with the same fear, and you will cope with yours as well.
great post Crashingwater.

[Cruelbreed]

For me, my coping mechanism was to just try and ignore it as best you can. There is nothing you can do about it, when its your time its your time, so worrying about it is pointless. If you let it, the fear of dying can push everything else out of your mind and become this great obssession you cant get over. If you obssess over the potentiality of your death in any given situation, youre not going to concentrate on what you need to concentrate on to stay alive. If you are enlisting, or getting ready to deploy for the first time, just keep in mind that everyone is afraid of dying, youre no different, and no one knows when they are going to get hit. There are no signs, no superstitions to use to predict if youre going to get hit or not, it really is just random, wrong place, wrong time. The only thing you can do is focus on today, and take your deployment one day at a time. Find comfort in your friends, help them cope with the same fear, and you will cope with yours as well.

Some excellent things to think about here. It's important to not let the fear get out of control.

"Everyone is afraid of dying, you're no different"
signed

[nastyleg]

Besides you are more likely to die in the states than you are in a combat zone. Food for thought DRUNK DRIVERS, Home invasions, jilted lovers, careless drivers. Do not get wrapped around the the thought of being killed. Just do your job like crashing said.

[bobdina]

Besides you are more likely to die in the states than you are in a combat zone. Food for thought DRUNK DRIVERS, Home invasions, jilted lovers, careless drivers. Do not get wrapped around the the thought of being killed. Just do your job like crashing said.

wife hitting you over the head with a frying pan for leaving the seat up

[Outlaw2-5]

ive accepted death a long time ago.

grandma died of cancer when i was 9, dad died of cancer at 15, mom died of cancer at 21, grandpa died of old age at 25.

the day i learned to live like i was already dead, was the day i could function as a human being. without fear.

[gutro]

I haven't joined teh military, but have thought about it a lot. I have a family now and the only reason I haven't joined is because I don't want to leave them behind.

For me, the fear of death isn't there. My eagerness to succeed and make a difference exceedes any fear I may face.

I don't feel it as though I would join to die. I would acknowledge that it IS a possibility, but it's a thought that I don't think i'd let in my head. I'm a firm believer in mind over matter. Now I know my mind wont stop an IED from blowing me up, but I believe my mind would help me in battle. I've experienced a couple life and death situations and my mind practically slows time down allowing me to think clearly and focus on what needs to be done and not what MAY happen. I feel that once you start to think, "HOLY SHIT I'M GONNA DIE" that's when you start to panic and make bad decisions, thus doing something stupid that WILL get you killed.

So again, I don't think it's a matter of "gettign over the fear of death", it's a matter of acknowledging it, but ignoring it.

[gilgoul]

It scares the shit out of me, especially now that my wife has a little one in the oven.
But in the same time, I don't even think about it when action kicks in, I always find myself at the front, and that sucks, because someday I gonna get it just because of that.
But my worst fear is blue on blue, really, especially during training, because it would suck balls to be KIA by one one of my own men.

[BooMBooM.OsM]

I joined young fearless wanting to serve my county. My training and attitude
saved my shipmates and my life. As a Submarine Sonarman it was protect or kill
environment (mission critical) seamed to never end! The only fear I had was when
the world ended when we launch all our nukes. If your fear overwhelms you,
you’re useless to your crewmen and ship. We were trained well even to the
point where word commands are spoken the same to avoid miscommunication.
Attitude, training, knowledge and teamwork will always give the service person
confidence and security. 2 times my life almost ended for me in 9 patrols.
Everyday I thought my ship was unsinkable. I had 150 men to protect, I had
no room for fear. 7 years later it was a different story.